Alone Time

I hope you all are enjoying the long weekend! I know I am stoked to have another day to rest in honor and remembrance of those that have served or continue to serve our country. We are so blessed to live in a country where we have so many freedoms, but especially the freedom of religion. 

My husband has been out of town this weekend and this time alone has been super productive (i.e., I finally switched out our sweaters for shorts and washed and packed away our parkas until winter comes again; I significantly trimmed down my wardrobe in an effort to create a capsule wardrobe which kind of worked and kind of didn't; decided to do a bit of shopping to try to find "to-die-for" pieces for my new kind-of-capsule-wardrobe since I basically purged my entire closet; read a book; did some grocery shopping; and started planning our trip to France this fall). Basically, I tried to keep myself as busy as possible in an effort to avoid the fact that I desperately missed Seth. And I failed. Miserably.

It has been a long time now since I have had time with just myself, and I have to admit that it was pretty uncomfortable. At first I was excited to have time alone to "get things done around the house" but a few hours on Friday night would have been plenty. The thing is, I used to spend a lot of time by myself in my 20s. When I was single, I would occasionally meet up with friends or my sister over the weekend and would see friends at church, but other than the occasional date, I was at home, in my apartment, making dinner for one, walking to Starbucks, walking to barre class, going for a run, as just me, myself and I, and I got pretty good at it! 

But it has been a few years, and I realized that I am really rusty at spending time alone. Even when Seth works on the weekends, more often than not he is tucked in his little "home office" (aka, our someday nursery), and just knowing that he is there calms my heart. 

So as the weekend went on all of this really started to get to me. Yes, I missed Seth. Desperately. So much in fact that I started to question whether I loved him more than God. I mean, don't get me wrong - God is number one. I love Him. Deeply. Desperately. But did I really love Him more than I love my husband? It should be a simple answer, and it is, but if I'm really being honest with myself, my thoughts and actions weren't really demonstrating that. This time alone made me especially grateful for Seth, but also really convicted me about how much more of my hope/love/attention I put in him instead of Him. As I wrestled with the loneliness I was feeling, I realized that I was relying on distractions and my to-do list to fill me up instead of surrendering to God and being swept up in his love for me.  

So I grabbed my bible and headed for the couch, cozied up with a blanket, and spent time in the word. And it was good. So good. And I felt like such a dummy for not doing it sooner, because His love for us is 1) eternal, and 2) all that we really truly need. I pray that Seth and I get to spend many many more years together and pass into God's glory lying next to each other with our hands clasped together like a scene from The Notebook, but old age or young, He is my rock and my redeemer. As amazing and wonderful as my husband is, my Savior he will never be. And as much as I love Seth and he loves me, our love for each other will never compare to the love that our God has for us. Amen and Amen!

Thinking about His love for us reminded me of a song by Third Day from a few years back. They are pretty great writers and performers, but these words they did not write. This is Psalm 36, friends. Have a listen and relish in His love for you. 

Love & Prayers,
Mer