How long have you all been on this journey? Maybe some of you a year or less, some a few years or more, but have any of you been in the throes of infertility for 20 years?! I didn't think so. Guess what? Lisa Williams, former DJ on KLOVE radio, struggled with infertility for 20 YEARS! 20 YEARS, people! Can you imagine?!! I mean, I kind of want to poke out my eyeballs just thinking about it (which is obviously not the response that the Lord would want me to have :-) but I am human too!)
A wait of that magnitude begs many questions, one of which I think is, what if His answer is no? Would I still love Him? (Not a fun question to sit with, is it?)
Another is, am I enough for you? Is my sacrifice and my love for you insufficient for your happiness?
If you are anything like me, you'd rather just keep on with your day and not really process any of the above.
I think one of the most universal struggles in life is "the wait" - whether it's a season of waiting for a job, waiting for a spouse, waiting for the perfect home, or waiting for a baby - waiting is tough! We know God tells us to trust Him, not to be anxious, and that we have nothing to worry about, but it is so incredibly difficult. And the crazy part is, we are fooled into thinking that getting control over the next 'want' on the list will satisfy. I remember waiting for what seemed like forever before I met my husband. I used to get anxious with every passing birthday and fought off jealousy as each friend got married. I would plead with God and would think to myself that if I had a husband, then I would be happy. Well guess what? I've got an amazing husband - truly the most perfect husband for all my "special" (read: crazy) qualities, but I still want more. I still want a baby (or five), and I know that if God blesses us with children someday, there will be something else that I am anxious about and yearn for in my heart.
It is a constant struggle to surrender these fears and anxieties to God, and to let God be enough. I know. I'm with you all on this. But the Bible tells us to do just that. Maybe you have a simple quick prayer or verse that you recite to yourself every time any of these thoughts start to creep in your head. It can be short and sweet. This one here follows the ACTS prayer model (Adoration - Confession - Thanksgiving - Supplication). "Lord, you are good! Forgive me for doubting your love for me. Thank you for your patience and forgiveness. Please help me to trust in you." Pick your own method, whether it's prayer, scripture or song, but I challenge you to strive to surrender your fears and anxieties to Him every time they reappear.
Lisa shared her story on her podcast a few weeks ago and I thought you all might want to have a listen. She shares what this LONG time of waiting taught her about surrender.
Love & Prayers,