My sweet husband might not officially be a daddy yet, but I had the opportunity to watch him be a father-like figure multiple times this weekend and it made my heart so happy. I hit the jackpot with this man of mine. Have I said he was worth the wait? :-) We served in the nursery together at church and he was the only one able to calm down the most upset little boy. He held him and comforted him, and eventually the little one fell asleep in his arms <heart melting again just typing this>. Yep, he's pretty great. So blessed that he is mine!
I know Father's Day has come and gone, but it has taken me some time to process my feelings about this holiday as they caught me by surprise. Unlike Mother's Day, it's not supposed to be my day - never will be my day - but it has been more difficult than I thought. It's the sadness. The longing. The frustration. Don't get me wrong - I have the very best Dad, and I think it is a wonderful day to celebrate the important role that the father figure plays in a child's life and the family unit - but I ache and can't help but feel responsible (at least partly!) for unintentionally keeping this privilege from my husband. I know it's "not my fault", and it's not his either. And I know that our time will come. But the sting is there.
As we sat at the dinner table together - just the two of us - on Sunday night, we prayed that this was our last Father's Day as a family of two. We prayed that we might have the opportunity to be parents, to be nurturers, leaders, mentors, disciplinarians, friends, boundary setters, teachers, listeners, comforters. We prayed that if it is God's will, that he would bless us with many children. Many. MANY. I might take this back in a decade, but I think I could mother for the rest of my life. And maybe I will in one form or another...
There are many ways to be parents, and this post beautifully highlights Dads that are fathers to children in the foster care system. It was all over my Newsfeed this weekend so some of you may have already read it yourself. It is lovely.
How did you all feel about the day? Were any of you surprised by your emotions? Maybe you thought you would be more emotional than you were? Maybe I'm just a crazy person? :-) Or maybe it was just all those adorable Facebook posts of my friends' husbands with their little ones. Maybe that's what it's all about, after all... Jealousy. Comparison. Inequality. Let's be honest - none of those lead us down a path to the Lord. James 3:14-15 says, "But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic."
It takes serious work - constant reminders - to fight off the jealousy. One of my favorite quotes of all time...
So I'm choosing to protect my joy. To guard it with every ounce of my being and fight off that jealousy with a strong fist. I know it is what the Lord wants for me; what He wants for us all. Join me?